My older son, Alex, is currently 14 and a half years old and has just graduated from junior high school. In the eyes of others, he is already a very excellent student. For example, his school grades are outstanding, with all courses scoring 4 points at graduation and being listed for commendation at the graduation ceremony. He has been playing the piano since he was 9 years old, and after more than 5 years, he has now reached level 10. His piano teacher praises his diligence (although I still feel he plays video games a bit too much when he has free time). Recently, he also took the SAT exam in the United States (similar to the college entrance examination in the US) with a total score of 1600 and scored 1500 points, ranking in the top 2% of all examinees (that is, surpassing 98% of people). I only found out about this later and thought it was quite amazing. When I graduated from junior high school in China, I never thought of taking the college entrance examination.

Even with all these achievements, he told me he was very anxious because of various exams for math and English courses, as well as swimming and piano competitions.

I told him there was absolutely no need to worry about these exams or competitions. They are not among the most important things in one’s life. In my opinion, there are only five truly important things in a person’s life that can be counted on one hand: pay attention to safety, maintain health, keep learning, create value, and enhance reputation.

1. Pay Attention to Safety

Safety awareness education is very important. It means avoiding various natural or man-made accidents that could endanger personal safety. When driving, concentrate and don’t get distracted. When riding in someone else’s car, pay attention to the driver’s condition and don’t talk and disturb them. I prohibit my child from chatting and distracting me when I’m driving, and I always remind myself as soon as I get in the car: In peacetime, the most dangerous thing is driving. No matter how unhappy I am with other things, I put them aside and don’t think about them. I never speed to make up for being late to any meeting or activity. Slow is fast. Before going to a place, check the crime rate and don’t show off wealth (and for girls, also don’t show off beauty) and so on.

2. Maintain Health

The body is the 1, and all other fame and wealth are 0s. With the 1, the 0s make sense. Otherwise, they are all 0s. So I constantly nag at my child to maintain a healthy schedule, eating habits, and exercise. I strongly oppose the practice of staying up late for any competition or exam. If you feel unwell, rest and don’t push yourself. All so-called deadlines are set by humans, and if you miss them, there will be another chance. The damage caused by health problems is often irreversible.

3. Keep Learning

In the modern world, even a Ph.D. has only learned a small part of knowledge in a very narrow field. Technology is changing rapidly, and there are so many meaningful subjects (biology, history, management, economics, etc.). It is necessary to develop the habit of lifelong learning, combining extensive reading with in-depth reading in a particular field.

4. Create Value

A good body and education should ultimately be applied to creating value that can be exchanged with others. Help produce products or services that others are willing to pay for. Artificial intelligence has not yet reached a stage where everyone can lie back and do nothing. People still need to create enough value to earn income and obtain the necessary resources for survival, such as clothing, food, shelter, and transportation.

5. Enhance Reputation

This means maintaining and increasing one’s personal reputation. Be trustworthy, be an honest and genuine person. In this way, you will have continuous customers, partners, and employers. I suggest he also start a Twitter account to post topics he truly loves and share the things he enjoys learning and doing. This is also a way to enhance one’s reputation.

6. The Root of Anxiety Is Seeing Others Who Do Better Than You

Charlie Munger said that no matter who you are, there will always be people who are better, smarter, more handsome (or beautiful), and stronger than you in some aspects. So what? From the perspective of the universe, everyone ends up the same. Do what you like, what you are good at, and what is valuable to society, enjoy the process, and accept the outcome.

For example, a sprinter may never surpass the fastest world champion Usain Bolt in his lifetime. An entrepreneur may never surpass Elon Musk. A researcher may never catch up with Einstein, Newton, or Darwin. 99% of people are ordinary, which is the result of a combination of genes, environment, opportunities, and other factors. To reach the top level, personal effort may only account for 25%. Some even say that effort itself is influenced by genes. So from the moment you are born, it’s like you are dealt a less-than-perfect hand in poker or mahjong. Accept the imperfect self and play the hand you are dealt well. You can learn from others, but don’t compare yourself with them.

If you really have to compare, compare yourself with those who are less fortunate. I’ve heard a saying that many people’s current state is what others dream of. Looking at my friends around me who are highly educated, knowledgeable, and high-income earners, this is indeed the case. But they are still anxious because they are always comparing themselves with those who are better off.

7. Conclusion:

After talking to Alex at length, he seemed to be less anxious. My own anxiety also decreased. Raising a child is actually a process of growing up again for oneself.

Original Chinese version: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/7apZoP2Xu7LfGD0esgvcUA